Nothing can kick a man while he’s down, so to speak, than being told any of these seven forbidden lines in bed, because the bed is one place where you need to start taking the phrase, ‘Let your actions do all the talking’ seriously.
Spare yourself a major foot-in-the-mouth moment and have a look at the seven things that no man wants to be told in bed:
1. “My ex used to like it when I did that…” The keyword here being, ‘Your ex.’ As in someone who belonged to your past and should be put in permanent lockdown there.
2. “No, I don’t think size matters.”
No matter how convincingly you say it, if your guy doesn’t have any body image issues before, he will have them know after you’ve dropped the dreaded S-word just when he was about to get it on.
3. “Can we get it over with soon?”
Doesn’t matter if Jimmy Choo is holding a flat 100% sale or if Angelina Jolie is banging down your door insisting on handing you her entire wardrobe; whatever it is, we are pretty sure it can wait.
4. “That was nice.”
Candy floss is nice. A Home Alone movie marathon on Christmas is nice. You know what isn’t nice? S*x with your guy; try mind blowing or life-shattering instead. Even if it was nice, we are ready to bet all the money in the world that he doesn’t want to hear it.
5. *radio silence*
Seized by temporary muteness? Cat got your tongue? No? Then don’t suddenly clam up after the deed is done and leave him to wonder how badly he fared that you can’t even muster a cursory response.
6. “How did I do?”
No, just no. He’s just got some, and he isn’t in the mood to keep a running scorecard or pen an in-depth thesis on how, when and what worked and what are the key areas of improvement.
7. “How many times have I told you? Not like that!”
Slow down there, bossy pants. Go easy on the unwanted school mistress déjà vu and try a gentler tone instead.